Comment Fic - v1

[fay_e]

Ichigo goes to house sit somewhere in Yokohama, gets crashed by Renji and Rukia who are 'keeping an eye on him'. Maybe they stay, maybe they don't - they're a little like cats that way.


Night after Rukia and Renji barge in

Ichigo voices his suspicion regarding one of the tenants

Ichigo has to deal with rabbit food

Some time after Rukia and Renji have been around for a while

Comments

[fay_e]

Ichigo opened the fridge. Renji's stupid orange juice was the first thing he saw, lying vertically across the top shelf and blocking Ichigo's view of what was behind it. With an impatient noise, he picked it up to put it back in the right place in the fridge door, only to find out it was empty. Right, another thing to restock. He tossed it behind him, not caring at the thud it made. He'd put it together with the trash. Later.

Obstacle aside, he peered into the fridge and gauged its contents. They had enough eggs, he decided, and they probably better finish off the grape juice. Rukia had asked for it on the last shopping trip, but hadn't touched it. Ichigo suspected that she only wanted it for the cute drawings, but knew better than to say so. Maybe he'd get Renji to distract her so that they could leave without grape juice this time.

Ichigo shifted the grape juice to the side to peer into the depths. He needn't have - behind the grape juice was the "stash" that had come with the house. He didn't know why his old man's friend needed red wine and sake AND a tub of port wine jelly. Renji had suggested finishing the drinks off, which Ichigo had vetoed but occasionally reconsidered when he was doing things like trying to squeeze 10 bottles of grape fruit juice into the fridge.

He was about to shift the grape fruit juice back when he noted something - two sake bottles had become one.

"Renji!" he hollered. There were suspicious thumping sounds from upstairs, but no reply. "Renji, I told you not to touch the sake!"

The thumping noises stopped long enough for Renji to yell back, "I didn't take it!"

"Yeah, I'd believe that if you weren't asking me about it every other day."

"You think I'd be dumb enough to take it when you tell me every other day that you'd pay back any sake I drank with my shades? I don't think so!"

Ichigo felt a headache growing along with the thumping that was coming from upstairs. "Then why is there only one bottle here?"

"How'd the hell I know? Ask Rukia!"

The thumping sounds ended with a suspiciously loud bang, which was followed by Rukia's voice. "Fool, the Kuchiki sake is far superior."

"Like you've even had any living world sake to compare!"

"It is a fact," Rukia replied petulantly, and burped.

[fay_e]

P.S: Contents of the fridge as taken from this thread -

eggs
ginger
anchovy paste, anchovies, wasabi paste, capers, green olives, pickles, basil paste
1/2 bottle of Chardonnay, 2 bottles of sake
parmesan, gouda, extra old cheddar
pesto, mayonnaise, Dijon mustard, horseradish, maple syrup
okonomi sauce, koshi an, Pocari Sweat, shiro miso, Sangaria Melon Soda, matcha
shrimp sauce, oyster sauce, minced garlic
fried tofu
ground flax seeds
port wine jelly, pumpkin butter, marron chocolat
whipping cream, 2% milk, rice milk, goat's milk yogurt, cream cheese, half & half
homemade cashew "goat cheese"
chocolate truffles double sealed in refrigerator bags
tomato passata, salsa, pickled jalapenos
prunes
zucchini, thyme, mushrooms, grape tomatoes, strawberries, lemons, limes, asparagus
broccoli, basil, celery, bok choy, rosemary, parsley, green onions, mint, tarragon
baby carrots, spinach, 1/2 red pepper, avocados
Brita water, white grape juice, cranberry juice
bacon
take-out flat rice noodles with beef (my fave)

[fay_e]

Based on the fridge list above:

Whoever owned this house was a rabbit.

Ichigo came to this conclusion when he peered into the fridge and saw an entire row of green leafy stuff. He checked the meat section of the fridge, but didn't see any meat at all.

Or it was the other way around and the owner of the house only ate meat. That would explain why it was just the veggies that were left.

Unaware of Ichigo's dilemma, Rukia peered around his arm at the fridge's content. "Oo, cucumber!" She snagged it off the shelf before Ichigo could stop her and took a large mouthful of dark green. Contented chewing soon gave way to a confused expression. "This isn't cucumber."

"Really?" He took the vegetable from Rukia and was surprised by how dry it was. Had it been in the fridge too long? He chomped on the bitten off end, and immediately realised what was wrong. "Ah. This is what Yuzu calls a zucchini."

"I don't want it anymore," said Rukia. "Is there actually anything to eat?"

He should probably fry the zucchini. He'd seen Yuzu do that before. But then over Rukia's shoulder he spotted Renji and abruptly remembered that one time they went out to Rukongai and the number of plates left over after.

Ichigo threw the zucchini back in the fridge and slammed the door shut. "Let's go out."

"Where? I'm hungry," said Renji, not pausing between the two sentences.

"That's why we're going out stupid."

"Where?" Renji repeated.

"I dunno. Ramen?"

Rukia was still hovering by Ichigo's shoulder even though he'd shut the fridge door. "That's not a where idiot."

"Fine, a Ramen restaurant your Highness. Should I get your coat for you?"

"Yes, do," said Rukia. Thankfully she was too short to see the eye roll Renji and Ichigo shared over her head.

[fay_e]

Ichigo found himself glancing at the clock again. The hands now read 1:44pm, and while he didn't know what time it was in Soul Society Rukia and Renji had been here the whole day. Surely they had to go back to Soul Society to rest?

But no. Rukia was still talking, although Ichigo was sure the brightness of her mood was due to the cups of tea that he had seen her chugging earlier. Renji had given up all pretense and was sprawled across his end of the sofa in a half-doze, now and then cracking open an eye to see if Ichigo had cracked and killed Rukia yet.

[fay_e]

Note: Btw, 1:44pm should be 1:44 AM. Sorry! Or you could believe that Ichigo needs afternoon naps... XD

Renji wouldn't have any luck there - sheer exhaustion was holding Ichigo back. He would have dozed off himself, if he hadn't offered the comfy sofa to Rukia and Renji. The wicker rocking chair he was sitting on creaked each time he shifted his weight. He found himself thinking of the bed upstairs - it wasn't his bed, but it was comfy.

He was in the midst of fantasising about soft pillows when something not soft jammed into the side of his knee. He immediately shot up to look for the offending foot, but Rukia's feet were planted side by side, toes in perfect alignment with her knees, and Renji couldn't have kicked him without upsetting the coffee table. He sank back into stupor when the foot jammed into his knee again. And again.

On the third jab he grabbed the ankle of the offending foot. "What was that for?" he demanded.

Rukia looked up at him placidly, as if having her leg held in mid-air by her ankle wasn't strange. "We came all this way to give you news on Seireitei - "

"Well go back there and get some more then!" Ichigo shot back.

It was the wrong thing to say. Rukia took on a devious expression - wide smile and half-narrowed eyes. "I could. There's this particular news about Zaraki-taichou that I'm sure he'll want to share in person - "

That was it. It was too late for threats, real or imagined. Ichigo let go of her ankle to grab her shoulder, and she promptly stepped over him, gigai and all. One step on his thigh, another on his back and she was up and over him, laughing from possibly a caffeine induced high.

"You're suffering from lack of sleep," Ichigo growled, trying to to grab her again. She easily dodged his sleep deprived fingers. "You can have your pick of the closets - "

Rukia stopped short, and Ichigo took the opportunity to grab her shoulder. Steering her to the staircase didn't work so well. "Closets?" Rukia demanded. "Are you suggesting I sleep in a closet?"

"You do that all the time at my house."

"That," said Rukia as she plucked Ichigo's hand off her shoulder and shoved it against his chest. "Is different."

[fay_e]

In his half-drowsy state, Ichigo very nearly took a tumble down the stairs. The swears slipped out before he could think about it and he winced at how it echoed in the house. There was no old man though, and that meant he wouldn't need to keep an eye out for punishment by roundhouse kick.

He finally got a good look at the culprit. The cat from the day before was winding around his ankles, meowing for attention. Taking a step only paused its winding until he stepped down again. "Geez," he said to it, nudging it away enough to make it down some more steps unimpended. "Breaking my neck is not going to get you breakfast any faster."

The cat stuck its nose in the air and trotted off.

Ichigo stared at the cat bounding down the stairs. Oh hell no. Oh HELL no.

"Rukia!" he hollered, and trotted after the cat himself. He managed to catch sight of it disappearing into the kitchen. "Rukia!" Swearing again - it was WAY too early for this - he hurried into the kitchen himself and found it trying to paw open a cupboard. "Oh no you don't," he muttered and scooped it up. The cat gave an indignant meow as it was dangled in the air. He glared at it. No collar. "Rukia!"

"I'm up I'm up," Rukia grumbled. "What is it?" She started as Ichigo dangled the cat in her face.

"Is this one of your people?" asked Ichigo.

The cat blinked at Rukia, then yawned.

[rooktree]

She blinked owlishly right back, her hair a crow's nest from being mussed against a pillow. "Was all that foul language you hitting your head?"

"No!" He shook the cat for emphasis. It yowled in protest. "Don't lie to me, short-stuff. Are you spying on me?"

"Ichigo," she said with a long-suffering air. "If we wished to conduct covert surveillance on you, cats are notoriously whimsical and unreliable."

"Unless it's robotic. Or a shapeshifter."

"Oh, is there tea?" She whisked past him to a cupboard. "Or that coffee stuff, for preference. I am not awake enough for this."

"Somebody mention tea?"

Ichigo turned to see Renji leaning on the doorjamb, plainly as fresh out of bed as Rukia had been. "A little respect here! I'm trying to have an interrogation. She keeps evading."

"Oh, oolong," came Rukia's voice from the depths of the cupboard. "Can you find the tea kettle, Renji? And convince this nitwit that the little feline isn't set here to spy on him."

Renji took the squirming cat from Ichigo, and it scampered eagerly up to the safety of his shoulder. With a flash of yellow eyes at Ichigo, it began to lick its toes with great care. "Look, would we be here if we could just go to the Twelfth and stare at ya through a creepy monitor?"

Ichigo sank against the kitchen counter and nearly smacked his temple on the cupboard Rukia had left open. Reaching over, he plonked the tea kettle down beside her. "Don't overfill it this time."

She huffed in supreme consternation. "I am not incapable of learning from my mistakes, thank you."